COMMUNITY & REACHING OUT TO SENIORS
I have a relative who just turned 101. He’s a legend in our family. Such an inspiration. He never stopped moving or exercising his mind. He looks younger than his friends who are 20 years his junior. Years after being widowed, he got a girlfriend. They keep each other company and live together at this point, which is great. He only stopped playing tennis a couple of years ago. Golf is still on his weekly schedule. Travel – not so much, except between Florida and New York – so I haven’t seen him in a couple years since moving out of NYC, but we’ve had great talks on the phone.
I also have an uncle who is 94. We just had a FaceTime call the other day. He expressed how much it meant to him. I need to call more. While I’m out here living my active life, he’s stuck in a bed, in a room, without many visitors. Also a widower after my aunt died last year (who had Alzheimer’s for years), he told me that what he misses is human contact.
He has 3 adult kids (and grandkids) who visit and help him just about every weekend at this point, and he has around-the clock care by some lovely caretakers, but he doesn’t get out and about to socialize like he used to. He can hardly see yet he reads the New York Times cover to cover everyday! Unfortunately, so much of the news is depressing and alarming, as he acknowledged, but I urged him to balance it with uplifting content whether from National Geographic, art magazines, nature documentaries or inspiring stories that The Moth shares. He can hardly hear, so conversations are challenging for him, but he said he hears me better than he hears most. People – annunciate! Talk loud, slow and make sure people hard of hearing have a chance to read our lips.
We talked about the Oscar winner Coda, which he can’t wait to see. I reminded him to watch Planet Earth narrated by David Attenborough and Ted Talks. He doesn’t lack mental stimulation, luckily, he said. He lacks inspiration and social opportunities. He misses community and freedom to get up and go. He is not much of a complainer, but I appreciated his candor about his situation. He can’t walk because of a spinal condition, but he’s actually optimistic it’ll pass. He said he’s grateful when he wakes up in the morning – such a great attitude. But the isolation he feels is a tough reality of aging. Most of his friends are dead and the ones who are alive are unable to get to him just as he's immobile. So, the message is pretty simple – if you have a senior citizen who lives nearby and is alone, or a relative who may be far away, reach out in whatever way is easiest for them to connect and offer them that valuable connection many seem to miss so very much. And if you’re close by, offering to pick up their groceries or invite them to join you and your dog for a walk if they’re able.
Dr. Vivek Murthy’s book Together https://www.vivekmurthy.com/together-book explores the value of human connection for emotional well-being as well as physical health. Loneliness, he argues, is an epidemic and a public health concern. He talks about our innate desire to connect, makes a case for the need to build more community and shares inspiring stories of connection. Listening to a talk he gave reminded me of how isolating the pandemic has been for so many, including my old neighbor in Brooklyn, NY, who died early in the pandemic. He didn’t die of COVID, though. That lovely senior citizen widower became isolated and weak. He expressed frustration on the phone (since I had moved 3000 mile away) about not being able to attend his physical rehab anymore. He wound up falling and not being able to reach the phone to call 911. He didn’t have a medical alert button. He spent hours on the floor – it may have been overnight. The generous-spirited building porter checked in on him daily through the closed door, brought him prescriptions and food when he needed it, and was the one who came to the rescue. While alive, my neighbor told me on a call after one of his last falls that he was fine, but that his pride was diminished. Well, he never regained his strength or his positive outlook and died in his sleep shortly thereafter. May he rest in peace. He was the kindest soul. Loved dogs, loved my dog, attended his birthday parties, bought him presents, took him to the St. Francis Blessing of the Animals at his church, gave us a check and champagne when my husband and I married, attended our farewell when moving across country and kept in touch….even if my dog’s name rotated in his mind from Django to Jangles to Mr. Bojangles. We had gotten to know each other after his wife dropped dead and I witnessed the FDNY EMTs like my own husband rush through the lobby trying to safe a life. It didn’t work that night and Roy’s life changed forever. I had a feeling she was the cook in their household, so I found out his name and apartment # and brought him dinner a week later. Well, very few would tout my chops in the kitchen, but he could’ve gotten me a network tv cooking show the way he raved about my cooking. And the rest was history. Friends til the end.
There are so many ways to connect with seniors who live alone or feel alone – as neighbors, as relatives, as volunteers even with our dogs at senior centers, in person, on Zoom. Reach out if you need ideas on volunteer organizations, and if you’re a senior reading this and you relate to the isolation, reach out for help. You don’t have to be alone all the time. If you have pets and need help taking care of them, there are resources for you such as below. And if you don’t have pets, but can take care of one, get a furry friend! There are so many reasons to adopt a dog, cat or other pet from companionship and emotional connection to mobility and heart health. Pets are good for human health. They give us purpose, love, and so many other gifts and lessons. Animals are also good for the soul.
Some resources:
Institute on Aging https://www.ioaging.org/services/friendship-line
https://www.petfinder.com/pro/for-shelters/pets-senior-citizens/
https://petstogether.org/pets-together-volunteer/
Senior Helpline https://bit.ly/3jizqkU